September, 2008:

***You might want to read part1, part 2, and part 3 first***PART 4:

I also want you to know that I believe what Don says about Jesus giving us the ability to love the things we should because I have experienced the transformation.  I could have written, word-for-word what Don says next:

“I tried to love the right things without God’s help, and it was impossible.  I tried to go one week without thinking a negative thought about another human being, and I couldn’t do it.  Before I tried that experiment, I thought I was a nice person, but after trying it, I realized I thought bad things about people all day long, and that, like Tony says, my natural desire was to love darkness.”

That paragraph threw me into a period of self-examination, with periodic recurrences ever since.  And this is not just changing the way I think about other people, it’s also having a profound effect on the way I think about myself.  It’s changing me from being a receiver to being a giver.  It’s helping me to see that I have a lot in the bank when it comes to having things to offer.  Things I haven’t attained entirely on my own, but stored up through a great childhood and a lot of years of experience making mistakes in my life as a Christian. 

Instead of always looking for the next opportunity to consume I’m looking for ways to serve others. So, for example, the next time a Promise Keepers event comes to town, rather than bashing it as being of no use to me (which I have to say it is not), because I see that it really IS of use to a great number of men, I’m going to volunteer to pray or counsel or run security.  I’m putting legs to the idea that “it is better to give than to receive”.

Of course really putting legs to this idea means living it in the place where I spend the most of my waking hours: at work.  It’s the toughest place for me to successfully NOT think bad thoughts about people for an entire day.  But I like challenges.  I think working a normal job should be a prerequisite for every person who wants to have a full-time church job.  I think one decade is a nice qualifying number.  You need to spend ten years, one decade, working a normal job before you can work in the church. 

How many Bible college students would drop out with that prerequisite in place?  And from the ones who saw it through, how many would go on to be far more mature and effective leaders in their churches and, just as importantly, in their non-church communities?  (Ok, so this is an easy requirement for me because I’ve already fulfilled it – I’ve worked for 13 years and am now contemplating a career move into ministry.)

But in keeping with my “I AM THE PROBLEM” line of thought, I want to tell you about the a response I gave to some questions I was asked while I was reading this book. The questions were about the format of the Sunday morning services at the church I attend.  Things like “How do you like the music?” and “What could we do to enhance your worship experience?”  I started to answer as I normally would but then found myself writing in response:

I am an elitist.  

I want the world to revolve around me.  

I want friends who are like me in every way.  

I want to change people who are not like me so that they are like me.  

I want to be efficient about friendship.  

I want people to meet my criteria if I’m going to spend my precious time on them. 

I am selfish. 

So, what do I want in a church service?  I’m not sure you should care.

Now I should point out that the “I AM THE PROBLEM” philosophy was still in trickledown mode at this point and after a bit more conversation I did back off from the extreme but still, this was a very uncharacteristic response for me.  I have a lot of opinions about everything. Find someone who knows me, even a little, and they’ll confirm that for you.  I have enough trouble thinking overly well of myself without someone encouraging me to think about myself a bit more yet.  I am a recovering self-addict, and like an alcoholic I’ll always be recovering.

go to part 5