Madeleine is my oldest daughter. She’s seven and a half. She’s so much like me in so many ways that I’m proud of: she loves to read; she gets a thrill out of accomplishing things that are difficult; she works hard at tasks she needs to get done.
She’s also like me in ways I wish she wasn’t: she over-thinks everything; emotionally, she gets hurt easily and finds it difficult to recover; she hates looking foolish in public. 
I can always deflect the public foolishness problem with a well-placed witty comment; she hasn’t learned this skill yet.
She’s also like me in one more way: she really pays attention to the tone of someone’s voice. Often the tone tells her more than the words that are being said.
Last night I was helping her though her bedtime routine and she said she felt like crying and she wasn’t sure why. I asked her to think about it for a minute.
“Daddy, I think it’s because you’ve been using your angry voice too much lately.”
Ouch.
It’s true, I have. There’s been too much focus on efficiency in my parenting lately and not enough on patience and love – especially at bedtime.
Bedtime brings out the taskmaster in me like no other part of the day. There are a number of reasons for this:
First, we stay out until after bedtime too often. When the deadline has passed, of course you have to do things in as little time as possible. But by then I’m tired and they’re tired and this just makes things worse.
Second, there are so many things to be done in a short period of time: PJs, pee, brush teeth, get into bed, pray, answer the numerous last-minute questions… whew, if I’m not tired before it all starts I certainly am by the time its all done!
Third, I’m too eager to get to the 3 or so hours after bedtime (less if we’ve come home late) when I can write, read, or spend time with Anne Marie uninterrupted. These are important hours of course, but spending an extra 10-15 minutes sending my girls into dreamtime shouldn’t be too much to ask.
I apologized to Madeleine. I apologized to God.
I’m going to do better tonight.
