(This is an open letter to my friend Kevin Abell. Before reading this letter you should read about Kevin and his book here. Go ahead, it will open in a new window)
Dear Kevin,
You recently wrote about a problem you’ve been having lately. Most people, you say, have a problem finding other people they respect. Your problem (if you can call it that) is just the opposite.
Your childlike awe is enviable. Your genuine surprise that people are drawn to you is endearing and a further testament to your humility.
But it has to stop. For the sake of your sanity, it has to stop. This is what your life is going to be like for the foreseeable future.
You wonder in your post if being a full-time Pastor makes this dilemma any less prominent. The answer is “no.” The more time you spend with people, the more people there are to spend time with. Being a pastor does, however, expand your capacity, and for that I’m quite thankful.
Unfortunately, you have to have boundaries. You have to be strategic about your “people time” or it can become idolatry.
You occasionally make it known that you don’t want to be overbearing. You are a long, long way from being that. The truth is I learn something from you every time I meet with you – even though I don’t think you’ve ever sought to teach me anything intentionally. It’s been this way ever since that first time we went for a coffee a couple of years back.
How is this possible? Well, you’re a more biblical man than I am, so just watching you is an education. Watching you and Barb with your children is a lesson in godly parenting.
Now, I know you’re not perfect – that’s not what this is about. What I value more than perfection is authenticity, and you’re about the most authentic person I’ve met. You are so much like me in many ways; in many other ways I want to be like you.
And you know I’m not perfect. In fact, aside from my wife, you probably know more about my imperfections than almost anyone else.
But let me attempt to help you through some of the mystery. Why do I, and many other people, enjoy spending time with you? In the words of Jack Nicholson in that classic movie As Good As It Gets: “You make me want to be a better man.” And when people can say that about you, you’re bound to gain a few friends.
You know that stuff I said about your humility a little earlier? Well, don’t let this letter get in the way. I know you won’t, but I want you to start expecting God to move the way he has been moving. You have to stop being surprised that people are drawn to you and work more on discerning which ones God has placed in your life and for what purpose.
You can’t just help all the time; you also need to be helped. You need to teach but you also need to be taught; you need to bandage people’s wounds, but you also need to know who your own doctors are. Care and be cared for; love and be loved. This is way Christ’s body works.
I’ve told you before that you have a gift; in fact, you have more than one. Writing is one that’s been revealed but there are a few others that are becoming more and more visible. This is a sunrise time in your life and I’m glad to be here watching it happen.
I don’t know if you’re called to be a pastor. I don’t KNOW, but it seems likely to me. God didn’t write it on stone tablets and tell me to give it to you, but I do sense him writing it on my heart and again, it’s been this way since the first time we spoke at length.
But that, also, is not terribly important right now. Whatever God wants you to do in the future, he already preparing you for now.
Stay the course. Run the race. Love without limits. Know your boundaries.
In Christ,
Michael
