Including today, I’ve had five of the last seven days “off’. I have to put the word off inside of quotation marks because in the line of work that I’m in “off” and “on” are often not significantly different. This is not a bad thing – in fact, I think everyone should have this problem.

(There are lots of links in the post. Go ahead and click on them – they’ll open in a new tab or window so you won’t lose your place.)

Wednesday and Thursday of last week were two wonderful days of relaxation and of both giving and receiving counsel and support with trusted friends.

On Tuesday night my buddy Denis Gauthier came over. I made us double-espresso cafe mochas and we talked about life and music and social media, about the inside workings of churches, about John MacArthur and Don Miller, about marketing music and playing gigs.

Denis

We explored ideas about the digital frontier that we inhabit and decided that information consumption will never be the same. We’re not sure if our habits of information consumption are healthy or unhealthy but we’re sure that we’re on the forefront of this new way of consuming. That conversation is ‘to be continued’.

On Wednesday night I had a chance to catch up with my old friends Michael and Tina Lambert. We went to church together for 3 years or so and Michael and I have played music together, both in church and in Michael’s band. Michael is high school teacher and a runner and a painter and I always enjoy my chats with him.

Thursday I met my with friend Kevin Abell over breakfast. You can’t possibly imagine the bizarre nature of our conversations. Well that’s not true… any of who know either of us very well probably CAN imagine the bizarre nature of our conversations. We envision the oddest scenarios and make up blog post titles to go along with them. Again, John MacArthur was discussed, as well as Catholicism and homosexuality. (This whole John MacArthur thing is getting out of hand…). But of course we always manage to encourage each other and affirm our faith in the process.

After that I got out for my first “long” run of the year – 15 kilometers in the glorious sunshine and perfect temperature (around 8 degrees). It was incredible!

While in the midst of runner’s high due to my run, I read a term paper by my friend Brandon. The paper was for his theology at U of Waterloo and his thesis was “God Does Not Demand Blood”. I love reading people’s college papers, especially when they intersect with one of my own areas of interest.

In the evening we enjoyed a potluck supper (with lots of rambunctious kids around!) with Ron and Helena Zacharias, Robin and Ingrid Kent, and Thomas Harder. After supper Ron, Robin, Thomas and I worked on planning two wilderness spiritual retreat weekends for the summer. We’re looking for a few good men to join us… men in need of some disconnection (from the frenzied pace of life) and reconnection (to the presence of the Holy Spirit) time.

Saturday morning we had an annual congregational meeting at the church, after which I can tell you the following: I am no longer the pastor of worship and missions at AEMMC. I will be easing out of those roles in the next few months as my direction and focus changes to pastoring the Saturday night congregation, local missional efforts, and exploring some type of non-traditional church plant in a nearby city.

Saturday night we attended our regular worship service which the whole family always looks forward to. Madeleine and Olivia joined me in song-leading duties again this week.

Pernell

On Sunday we worshiped with the good folks at Hillside church in London, where I finally got to meet Pernell Goodyear face to face (or face to tattoo as it were) and catch up with Steve Mawdsley, James Kingsley, Jeff Knight, and the always inflammatory Mr. Tim Bailey.

After that it was off to Port Huron with our BFs for an overnight stay with all the kids. Starbucks, Olive Garden, swimming, Chilli’s, Best Buy (I am not a gamer at all but I tried a boxing demo at Best Buy on Microsoft’s XBox Kinect system. It was absolutely incredible!), more Starbucks, Barnes and Noble… It was good…

We’re back now and I’m chilling out at home today with Sophia and Olivia (who is sick again).

I am exceedingly grateful for the the fruitful relationships I’ve mentioned above plus the many others I haven’t mentioned. A man and his family couldn’t be more blessed.

My wife Anne Marie met Dawn in a MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) online discussion forum. Since we are fans of Grand Rapids and Dawn and her husband Kevin live near there we’ve met them several times. We’ve become good friends.

I got to meet their little boy Braeden once before he died. He was very sick and in the hospital. The next time we went to Grand Rapids it was for Braeden’s funeral. I told a bit of their story in one of my sermons (listen here).

Dawn also has a blog where she explores the challenges of life with a sick child and life after that sick child has died. It is often heart-wrenching to read, brutally honest yet full of hope and faith. This is the intro to Dawn`s blog:

Braeden (Bub) was diagnosed with neuroblastoma and OMS in May, 2007. He relapsed in August, 2008 and on January 15, 2009 we were left with no choice but to discontinue treatment. He came home from the hospital on hospice care on February 11, 2009 and spent an amazing two months at home with our family. Braeden was called home to heaven on April 18, 2009 at 2:27 am after 23 months of fighting. This blog is my journey through the valley of death’s shadow…

This week Dawn and Kevin came upon a shocking choice in the course doing their taxes. Dawn explains:

We had some advance warning this was coming, but reality was still a hit.

Last night, Kevin was working on our taxes online. We always use the same tax preparation software to file our returns. It’s nice and handy, all our info is stored and he just plugged in the new numbers for the previous tax year. Uh oh…hold on. Our information is no longer correct. We can only claim our living children. Braeden was still in our list of dependents. The option the program gave was to “delete dependent.” Yeah, delete. Sigh…..

I’ve always thought that was such a benign word. It’s not now. You delete a mistake, an email or text that you don’t want anymore. You don’t delete your child.

“Are you sure you want to delete ______ as your dependent?” How would you answer? No. I’m not. We don’t want to. Why isn’t that an option?

We talked a little bit about this with the census last summer with a friend of ours. Her son joined Braeden in heaven just 10 days after Bub went home. We were talking about how our kids had been born after the 2000 census and now had died before the 2010 census. They were never counted. To the government, it’s like they never existed. We know better. We know they did. They were here and they left a mark. Yet it’s painful to experience these little reminders that someone is missing. And that they keep coming, and from such seemingly harmless places. I mean, taxes? The census? Really? Who’da thought? Not me–before

You can keep up with Dawn`s journey here.

If this makes no sense to you, you’re not alone. You need to be from a particular ethnic background to find this humorous. Original music by my friend Sam Rempel. Video by someone Sam has never met. In fact, I texted Sam when I saw this and he had no idea it existed.

Watch it here if you can’t see the video.

I’ve written about my dad before and someday, when it’s time to write my memoirs, there will be a lot more. Here’s the second of 5 of my favorite things about my dad.

Cool fact about my dad: he had some ‘age spots’. Solution: sand paper and a utility knife.

True story. His reasoning: “Why should the doctor have to do all the work?” This is not the first time he’s used unconventional methods to accomplish a task. He once used my mom’s cheese grater to rid his heels of excess buildup.

I have to say, the results are quite good.

Other posts in this series:
1 – The Value of Acting Like a Child

It was a pretty long weekend for me. I ended up working seven hours on Saturday and I was the song leader on Sunday so there was another five hours. We had three social engagements scheduled for the afternoon – all ones I was looking forward to.

As often happens, the adrenaline wears off on Sunday afternoons shortly after lunch and I crash.

Yesterday I found myself lying in the shade at my sister’s house with my whole family (mom, dad, sister’s family, my family) within earshot. The combination put me in a reflective mood. Since it was Father’s Day I engaged my mind in the pursuit of some memories about my dad and figured I might as well share them with my Twitter and Facebook friends. Now I need to add some detail because sometimes 140 characters just isn’t enough.

I’ve written about my dad before and someday, when it’s time to write my memoirs, there will be a lot more. Here’s the first of 5 of my favorite things about my dad.

1. Watching my dad frolic with my kids in the kiddie pool. Awesome.

Dad was hilarious yesterday, splashing around in a pool that was 2 feet deep like he was 2 feet tall. The sight of a grown man clowning around and five grandkids between 4 and 7-yrs-old in a state of constant laughter is a beautiful, beautiful site. The best part is that it reminds me of my own childhood and the way my dad often made me laugh.

For example – when I was about 5 I begged my dad to take us for a run around the block. Living in the country this would probably have been at least a 5k hike. After a long period of incessant begging, dad sent us all inside to get ready and with great excitement we did.

You can imagine how excited my mom must have been about the prospect of setting out on a 5k hike with a 5-yrd-old and an 8-yr-old, one of which she would probably have to carry for the second 2.5k after reality set in and ambition died. 

But as for me, I had visions of running on the sides of roads I’d only ever seen from the safety of a car window, waving to people as they drove by in their cars. Suckers! This was really going to be something!

We got ready, got pumped, then dad led the charge. Out we ran, following dad, who had placed a concrete block in the middle of our yard.

We ran around that block, and then stopped. Mission accomplished.

I didn’t find it very funny at the time. Now I think it’s hilarious.

Dad taught me that a mark of a real man is the ability to act like a child at the right time in the right place.  If you’ve ever wondered why I can be a bit of a clown, look at the picture of the man above – I get it from him.

Tomorrow: Cool fact about my dad: he had some ‘age spots’.  Solution: sand paper and a utility knife.

(This is an open letter to my friend Kevin Abell. Before reading this letter you should read about Kevin and his book here. Go ahead, it will open in a new window)

Dear Kevin,

You recently wrote about  a problem you’ve been having lately. Most people, you say, have a problem finding other people they respect. Your problem (if you can call it that) is just the opposite.

Your childlike awe is enviable. Your genuine surprise that people are drawn to you is endearing and a further testament to your humility.

But it has to stop. For the sake of your sanity, it has to stop. This is what your life is going to be like for the foreseeable future.

You wonder in your post if being a full-time Pastor makes this dilemma any less prominent. The answer is “no.” The more time you spend with people, the more people there are to spend time with. Being a pastor does, however, expand your capacity, and for that I’m quite thankful.

Unfortunately, you have to have boundaries. You have to be strategic about your “people time” or it can become idolatry.

You occasionally make it known that you don’t want to be overbearing. You are a long, long way from being that. The truth is I learn something from you every time I meet with you – even though I don’t think you’ve ever sought to teach me anything intentionally. It’s been this way ever since that first time we went for a coffee a couple of years back.

How is this possible? Well, you’re a more biblical man than I am, so just watching you is an education. Watching you and Barb with your children is a lesson in godly parenting.

Now, I know you’re not perfect – that’s not what this is about. What I value more than perfection is authenticity, and you’re about the most authentic person I’ve met. You are so much like me in many ways; in many other ways I want to be like you.

And you know I’m not perfect. In fact, aside from my wife, you probably know more about my imperfections than almost anyone else.

But let me attempt to help you through some of the mystery. Why do I, and many other people, enjoy spending time with you? In the words of Jack Nicholson in that classic movie As Good As It Gets: “You make me want to be a better man.” And when people can say that about you, you’re bound to gain a few friends.

You know that stuff I said about your humility a little earlier? Well, don’t let this letter get in the way. I know you won’t, but I want you to start expecting God to move the way he has been moving. You have to stop being surprised that people are drawn to you and work more on discerning which ones God has placed in your life and for what purpose.

You can’t just help all the time; you also need to be helped. You need to teach but you also need to be taught; you need to bandage people’s wounds, but you also need to know who your own doctors are. Care and be cared for; love and be loved. This is way Christ’s body works.

I’ve told you before that you have a gift; in fact, you have more than one. Writing is one that’s been revealed but there are a few others that are becoming more and more visible. This is a sunrise time in your life and I’m glad to be here watching it happen.

I don’t know if you’re called to be a pastor. I don’t KNOW, but it seems likely to me. God didn’t write it on stone tablets and tell me to give it to you, but I do sense him writing it on my heart and again, it’s been this way since the first time we spoke at length.

But that, also, is not terribly important right now. Whatever God wants you to do in the future, he already preparing you for now.

Stay the course. Run the race. Love without limits. Know your boundaries.

In Christ,

Michael

Part 1 - My Story
Part 2 - A Biblical Theology of Offending Your Brother
Part 3 – How to Offend a Legalist and Not Sin

Part 1 – My Story

Strike up a conversation about a contentious issue with a group of Christians and you’re bound to visit Romans 14 somewhere along the way. This is a chapter in the Bible that deals with believers judging one another and not causing each other to “stumble.”

Where I come from the word “stumble” was defined very, very loosely. It meant roughly “anything I don’t like, disagree with, makes me uncomfortable or insecure, might cause people to think you’re strange, etc.” It was used as a precision tool in the hands of people seeking to control the lives and actions of others.

Defined this way it is the ultimate control mechanism. “Don’t do that, you’re causing me to stumble!” was used to keep us from everything from tattoos to alcohol to “spiked” hair.

The logic of the argument ran like this: If something you’re about to do will offend another Christian, don’t do it.

Seems fair, seems simple, and it worked for a while, but applying it consistently revealed a few challenges to my maturing logic:

1. What qualifies as “offense” or “causing someone to stumble”?
2. Is it just in the offended person’s presence that I can’t do this or all the time?
3. If I only abstain around those who are offended but participate when they’re not around, doesn’t that make me a hypocrite?
4. By the time we stop doing all the things people say are causing them to stumble, what’s left?

It took me a good while to discover nuance in the passage and until I did I had to live with my guilty conscience since there were things I engaged in that people were “offended” by that I was pretty sure God had no problem with.

So I did them anyway, concluding that if I stopped doing everything that anyone in the church found offensive I might as well stay in my room all day, every day – unless, of course, it was discovered that someone in the church was offended by solitude.

Then what?

Part 2 - A Biblical Theology of Offending Your Brother

1. I started dating Anne Marie when I was just short of my 15th birthday

2. I married Anne Marie when I was just short of my 20th birthday

3. In between those two dates, I didn’t always treat Anne Marie as well as could have. I hope I do a lot better now.

4. I get annoyed with people’s idiosyncrasies, and my own as well

5. I sometimes exclaim: “Man, I am SUCH a freak!”

6. I don’t think Johnny Cash really made that great a contribution

7. I demand too much of my little girls sometimes… but much was demanded of me when I was little and I’m now thankful for it

8. I haven’t written many new songs in the last few years and I sometimes worry that the gift is gone. If it is gone, it found it’s way to Shane. Shane writes good songs.

9. I can sleep anywhere… and it doesn’t have to be quiet either

10. I have wasted many years at my current job. I plan to fix that problem in the next couple of months

11. I once took too many free balloons from the grocery store. My mom made me take them back. I was frightened and humiliated and that day I learned a valuable lesson

12. Some things that I think are funny are actually mean (peace out Shane)

13. I sometimes shamelessly promote my blog

14. I cry almost every time I hear Counting Crows “Miami”

15. I cry when I watch that cheesy “You… complete me” scene in Jerry Maguire

16. I cried for about 10 minutes – actually I wept – after watching Charlize Theron in “Monster” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0340855/

17. I can’t find or imagine finding another family as knit together or unique as the Krahns.

18. I have three daughters and no desire to have a son

19. I don’t fear aging, in fact I’m looking fwd to it

20. A few years ago, I almost converted to Roman Catholicism.  I still consider Thomas Merton a mentor.

21. I like books

22. Sleep is a necessary evil

23. Jack Layton makes me nauseous

24. I have a lot of hope for Barack Obama, although I wish he’d change his views on abortion

25. If anything goes wrong in the USA, Jack Bauer can fix it with threats of violence… and violence.

Someone just emailed me this question: “What is an emergent?”

This is a sincere question from a friend of mine who is not a church attender who honestly knows nothing about the Emerging Church conversation.  He is quite Biblically literate, philosophically deep, and a great artist and aspiring luthier to boot.

How would you answer his question?

Tim Challies’s new (and first!) book The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment arrived in the mail today.  I’ve already started reading it and will post a review when I finish.

Earlier this week I sent a suggestion to Tim that he blog about his experiences as a first-time published author for the benefit of those who hope to someday publish their own books. Well, Tim put up a lengthy post today defending himself against some comments made by, of all people, Steve Camp (yes, THAT Steve Camp, all you CCM aficionados) on Justin Taylor’s blog, Between Two Worlds about, of all things, the blurbs on the back of Tim’s book.  Is this sounding a little surreal to anyone else?
This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind from Tim, but it’ll do for now.  Go get the book and read it!

(Thanks to For What It’s Worth for these questions)

01. One book that changed your life
The New Man – Thomas Merton

02. One book that you’ve read more than once
On Writing – Stephen King

03. One book you’d want on a desert island
The Ultimate Desert Handbook – Mark Johnson

04. Two books that made you laugh
Parliament of Whores – P.J. O’Rourke, The Dilbert Principle – Scott Adams

05. One book that made you cry
Two-Part Invention – Madeleine L’Engle

06. One book that you wish had been written
“Title TBA” – Michael Krahn

07. One book that you wish had never been written
Can’t think of one…

08. Two books you’re currently reading
The Younger Evangelicals – Robert Webber, God is Not Great – Christopher Hitchens

09. One book you’ve been meaning to read
Mystery and Manners – Flannery O’Connor

10. Now tag five people: Alden, Joe, Andy, Joel, Nick

Michael, on his blog Atheist Perspective, has taken theists (me in particular) to task for focusing too much on Dawkins’ tone rather than on the detrimental effects of Christianity. Point taken – I have been talking a lot about that, haven’t I? I shall focus less on it in the future.

In the meantime, the post is called “Moderate Christians – Take some responsibility, stop blaming Dawkins” and it’s worth the time to read.

Michael has become a good e-friend, which is a wonderful by-product of writing this series on Dawkins and atheism.

Words and coffee, the best things in life are free and $1.55 respectively. “Going for coffee” is a new thing for me; I’ve never been a ‘let’s go for a coffee’ guy but I’m trying to be one now, because I can see the positive effects.

We went on vacation a couple of weeks ago and because of that I missed church, small group, and my talks over coffee with a number of friends I go out with regularly. Then the following week small group was canceled due to certain group members having misplaced priorities such as playing hockey and being in France commemorating the 100th anniversary of the battle of Vimy Ridge. In addition to that the Alpha course I had been going to had wrapped up and I was missing those Friday night small group discussions.

In a word, I was disconnected – and I could feel it. The importance of connection, of being in community, is something I have gleaned from my friend Aaron. My friendship with Aaron is a rewarding one because we agree on a lot of things but the things we disagree on we disagree on quite strongly.

I don’t think I have one close friend with whom I have not had a few very deep, very heated disagreements. It’s sort of a prerequisite for me.

I have had more than a few friendships wither for lack of conflict. There’s nobody I ended up hating, but if you can’t disagree with someone about something, there’s really no basis for a long-term friendship. I have plenty of acquaintances – you can’t be a performer, a musician, without having a lot of these – but an acquaintance becomes a friend when we get through our first conflict.

My Fault

I have to admit that I have wrecked a few friendships due to my own deficiencies of character. When I was younger I mocked a lot. OK – I still mock a lot but I like to think I choose my targets more wisely now. You know, like celebrities and people I don’t really know. I call it satire now – that’s the grown-up word for mocking.

Back then, when I was younger, I always thought I was funny, and judging by the laughter in the room I figured everyone else thought I was funny too. But later, after the laughs, they would discuss how much I had hurt so-and-so’s feeling and how I was a backstabber and sometimes worse. And they were right.

To this day, I’m still paying for things I said a decade ago and more. And in a decade from now there will probably a few more things on the list that I shouldn’t have said but I know the list doesn’t grow like it used to. “And that,” as Martha likes to say, “Is a good thing.”

Some of these offenses happened because I didn’t know when to wave the “agree to disagree” flag. I hate that flag but I’ve had to learn to use it. Not everyone wants to battle Braveheart-style until some form of common ground is claimed.

Small Group Battles

In our small group Bible study a few weeks ago we engaged in a heated discussion (Braveheart-style) about depression. This went on for some time and then someone called for a truce. “Hey, let’s make sure we all leave here friends.”

That’s the opposite of my thinking. My response was “But this is what makes us friends. We can scrap and still like each other after.”

We can’t have lasting friendships if we stop talking when we disagree. We become good friends because we can ‘have at it’ occasionally. This friendship couldn’t survive, of course, if discussions always turned to bickering and no congenial discussion ever followed, but perpetual platitudes are no recipe for success either.

Hard-won friendship

One of the guys in my small group is Owen. Owen’s friendship is something I value because it has been hard won. We even exchanged compliments at a wine and cheese party a few months back. Our guards were down I guess (in a good way) and Owen said something like “You know, I wasn’t sure about you when we first started meeting but I like you now.” That was something, a reward of sorts for me. And I felt the same way. Actually, if I had reciprocated honestly I would have had to substitute “I wasn’t sure about you” with “I really didn’t like you at all.”

But I can respect anyone who is strongly principled yet willing to talk, who doesn’t end good discussions with talk-to-the-hand arrogance or skips to “let’s just agree to disagree” too soon. And that’s Owen.

This is not the friendship formula for everyone, but I challenge you to try it. If you have a reasonable disagreement with someone, the next time you see him or her embrace them instead of avoiding them. This is where the rewards come. There are endless possibilities for acquaintances, but few opportunities for lasting friendship.

Healthy Conflict

Most of the healthy conflict in my friendship with Aaron is the result of the worldviews of a postmodern/modern (90%/10% split) and a modern/postmodern (60%/40% split) rubbing against each other. (feel free to correct those percentages Aaron, yours might be 90%/40%) But we agree on technology – we are both in favour of it. We are geek buddies.

The first time Aaron and his wife came to small group I knew I was going to like him because I mentioned phrases like “podcast” and “XML feed” and “RSS” and he knew he they meant. I mentioned Leo Laporte and he knew who that was too. Then the next week in an IM he mentioned Ron Sexsmith. Honestly, I didn’t even care if he was a fan. He knew enough to compare another artist to him That was enough. SOLD!

We also both like Dilbert. But as usual, I digress…

Before coffee time there is often a nagging desire to bail, something that tells me I don’t need to go, that it is a selfish waste of time when I should be sleeping. When coffee time wraps up I never want it to, even when its 11:00pm on a work night sometimes. And last night’s coffee with Aaron was no different. I was tired when I left at 9:00pm and all abuzz when I got back at 11:00pm.

I’ve noticed that as much as I sometimes dread getting together with people, or a group of people, I find benefit (and hopefully provide some benefit to them) in the interaction.

The lie of made-up minds

A lie you hear often is that all this talking doesn’t really change anyone’s mind. That everyone has decided what they believe and nothing you say will have any effect. Well, I’ve had my mind changed on plenty of things by talking to someone who knows more about something that I do. Everyone – EVERYONE – is an expert about something. I like to find out what that is and find out what they know.

More often than not I find out that I don’t know as much as I think I do, and that certainly helps my humility – and I need a lot of help with humility.